Slaying The Monster

As I drove through the desert – I contemplated this day.
An unsettled fear – more was coming my way.
There was no where to run, hide, or escape
I was on a collision for another mental rape.
I wanted to destroy my cards, GPS and phone
but I knew that would mean I could never go home.

I had broken down and acted out of my mind,
If I did it again I wouldn’t be treated so kind.
I was just one of the three blind mice,
I could get away with it once, but never twice.
The constant attacks were breaking me down,
The real problems came once no one was around.

The computers were taken over and disabled.
My home was a fortress and nothing was stable.
Too stubborn to stop working and told
“Don’t touch that phone.”
That’s when I realized that I’m on my own.

My earnest efforts had already been rejected
I reacted to things just as was expected.
Captured in radio silence conditions,
and I was forced to abort my mission.

Broken apart till I had no direction,
under control of only suggestion.
Oh My God, you can’t be serious,
I had no idea why I was being put through this.

Completely cut off from the world that I know,
an unknown commander was running the show.
I was scared that I wouldn’t get out alive….
responding with actions so I could survive.

Maybe I was really losing my mind,
looking for evidence that no one could find.
Warned of destruction as the outcome to be,
A word of fatality, and the blame would be me.

My history was crazy, lessons easy to miss,
I wonder if that was preparation for this.
I was afraid to go to others during the roam,
Worried that I’d bring danger into their home.

I couldn’t talk about what was happening to me,
I didn’t know how to go on to be free.
I reached out one time, please understand….
Backfired till things were more out of hand.

Nothing left to do – face my fear head on,
Nothing left to lose, and I had to be strong.
I found myself driving to think for a bit,
Another warning I saw, and wanted to quit.

I kept trying to tell myself it was all an illusion,
That my mind was just sick creating delusion.
The strangers and I was all who could see,
the things they would do while following me.

I made rash decisions out of sheer panic,
told to calm down and stop acting manic.
“Behave as you would in your normal situation…
keep working without volunteering information.”

I went back to work and what was stolen now back.
Today has arrived and I appear I’m on track.
Just as unexpected when my project was taken,
I’m to say sorry for the delay – and I was mistaken.

What was the reason, the purpose, the plan?
I’ll never know but does my integrity stand?
I fought black and white, and gray was a crime,
I stopped resisting the monster who gave me my time.
What you resist persists, or so I’ve been told…..
I returned to the battle but the trail went cold.

Wrap it up,
move ahead,
don’t look back again,
Embrace the beginning
and fear not the end.